The majority of dating advice for men these days you will find on search engines are articles written by women who often have a vested interest in convincing men that women just like themselves make the best wives. If you’re looking for a more objective viewpoint written by a man with a great deal of dating experience then this is the guide for you on what qualities you want in a woman to date and eventually marry.

While one might assume the obvious companion to a millennial gentleman is a millennial lady, the definition of what is a ‘lady’ is so broad today as to be rather useless. There are many women who call themselves ladies and use very loose definitions written by other women as the justification for these self-appointed labels. I personally would disagree that many of these self-described ‘ladies’ meet my own standards to warrant the term, but instead of having that argument I decided instead to come up with another label that can be more narrow to what kind of woman I believe makes the perfect partner to a gentleman these days.

The label I have devised is the Cinderella, named for the heroine of the famous fairy tale story. Of all the women depicted in these stories Cinderella is probably one of the few I believe who truly was deserving of the life she was rewarded with. Most of the others, such as Sleeping Beauty or the Little Mermaid, basically just sort of fell into happiness because they were just so gosh darn pretty that a successful high quality man whisked them away. Cinderella, on the other hand, was a hard working girl born into misfortune who did her best regardless of the situation, always acting with grace to overcome adversities thrust upon her. She won the heart of the prince with her class that outshone all the other supposedly noble debutantes that chased him. This is the kind of woman that a gentleman should seek out.

Sadly the vast majority of women who call themselves ladies and style themselves as divas, queens or princesses, are anything but. What the majority of these types of women are is what I call a Tinderella.

Tinderella qualities

A Tinderella is basically the kind of girl who has a personality type such as what the evil step sisters in the Cinderella story have. The Tinderella is the very definition of a narcissistic woman. They are selfish, cruel, fixated on superficial qualities and cannot handle any difficult situation. She is incapable of handling anything not going her way and will throw a tantrum if others do not give in to her. The Tinderella makes for a poor life partner, often creating unnecessary drama in order to make herself the center of attention. They believe they deserve loyalty from others but have none to offer in return. They are branch swingers who engage in hypergamy, always trying to find a better man whenever a relationship matures to the point that the man expects the woman to be loyal to him, which is far more commitment than the Tinderella is willing to give back. Inevitably she will vanish from your life as quickly as she entered it once she feels she has found a better opportunity for her short term goals.

The Tinderellas are superficial women only focused on their own selfish wants

The Tinderella is often constantly on her phone texting away at her friends, even while on a date with you. She may even actually be on Tinder swiping away while you are treating her out to dinner. She may be sweet at first to convince you to treat her well, but she soon becomes a bitch to you. She treats you with disdain after she believes she has found a “better guy” and views you now as an obstacle to her short-sighted desires instead of a partner to build a happy life with. She may cause drama solely to encourage you to be the one to break things off with her, so that she can rationalize her disloyalty to you with the belief that you didn’t love her enough to handle her at her worst so you “don’t deserve her at her best”; never-minding that cute declaration didn’t bring happiness to Marilyn Monroe and it won’t bring any for the Tinderella, either.

(As a side note, while Marilyn Monroe was very beautiful and successful in her career, a woman who was so miserable that she overdosed on sleeping pills probably isn’t the best role model. Beware of women who live by the quotes of other unhappy women.)

The Tinderella is often raised by her own version of Cinderella’s evil step mother, another narcissistic woman who spoiled her daughter rotten and taught her how to manipulate and trick men for short term gain instead of how to be a good wife and mother for long-term happiness and success. So the Tinderella may not have had a good father figure herself because her mother never settled down with one. You should also remember in many versions of the Cinderella story the evil stepmother is responsible for the death of Cinderella’s father and in our case, it could be a metaphorical death of the happiness of the men the Tinderella is involved with. The Tinderella’s concept of what qualities make a “good man” are mostly centered entirely around what material things she can gain from a man in the immediate present, and she is not very interested in having a partnership focused on long term happiness together as a couple. She may be overly fixated on his physical attractiveness even if she herself is not the most attractive woman, because she is so self-conscious that she feels she must reaffirm her beauty by having a man who makes other women envious. Tinderellas typically choose men based on how much other women want them and are easily made jealous if another woman dates her ex; some part of their ego makes them believe they can always come back and get a guy they left later because they believe he “will always be there for me”, and they lose self-confidence if that turns out to not be the case. This will typically make them desperate to reclaim that man’s attention but if they should succeed in doing so they lose this drive, having satisfied their ego and regained their self confidence. This is part of what makes the Tinderella such a conceited person, as their vanity is driven by how they believe others perceive them; both men and women. Without other women envious of them and without men to chase them, they lose confidence in themselves and become unstable, typically sinking into a deep depression. This drives them to engage in very toxic, self-destructive behaviors in an effort to engineer envy and desire for themselves in others.

The Tinderella may cohabitate with a man as his girlfriend for financial reasons (sometimes not paying any rent at all) but is always looking for someone else who can provide more for her, and will look to dump him if she does not get her way all of the time; and she tends to be overly demanding. To achieve this she will date and sleep with men behind his back while trying to find another man to move in with, and this can result in her passing on sexually transmitted diseases unknowingly to the man who thinks he is in a committed relationship with her.

The Tinderella is unsuitable as a mate because she has few qualities that will make her a good mother. She is too quick to anger and may even resort to violence against her own children that simply inconvenience her too much by existing at all. She lies to her man and teaches her children to lie to him on her behalf, too. The children develop major psychological issues when raised by a Tinderella for a mother and which the father may be unable to ever prevent since the courts nearly always side with the mother in custody disputes regardless of whether the mother is actually suited for motherhood or not. And so the Tinderella tends to raise her daughter to be a Tinderella, too. Her sons may grow up to have a warped perspective of normal healthy relationships and no real idea how to identify these bad qualities in other women; he may unknowingly seek out a Tinderella in his adult relationships out of a subconscious desire to “save her”, as they remind him of his own mother. These efforts almost never succeed because the Tinderella does not wish to be ‘saved’ and feels she is succeeding at life due to the attention and gifts she receives from male suitors, even though this will eventually end after she reaches ‘the wall’ after menopause and loses much of her value in the dating pool (among the pool of men who wish to marry, even men who already have children with an ex-wife tend to want a new wife who can bear more children).

Consequently the Tinderella is to be avoided in dating and when you discover you are dating one, you should discontinue the relationship as it will only lead to heartbreak and disappointment for you. The Tinderella is excellent at making a man miserable for the rest of his life if she is permitted to do so.

In my opinion most “dating advice” columns on blogs these days are written by Tinderellas who are fixated on convincing men to not date better women because they are trying to reduce the competition. They play mental gymnastics games to convince men that their bad qualities are just “independence” or “confidence” and other bullshit, and tear down actual good women who would make much better wives and mothers than themselves who possess more traditional values. Like all narcissists they develop unreasonable hatred for women with qualities they refuse to develop and they trash talk men with more traditional values who reject them as mates, even though these values are ‘traditional’ because they tend to result in stable, happy lifelong marriages.

Tinderellas are threatened by better quality women and will tear them down as a means of trying to reduce competition in the dating pool

Cinderella qualities

The Cinderella is the opposite of the Tinderella. She is hard working and able to handle difficult situations with grace. She is healthy and takes effort to moderate herself so as to not overly indulge into decadence. The Cinderella may not be the most successful or beautiful woman among the pool of women you can date, but she can rise to the occasion when required to. She may not always be happy, but she is often very pleasant to be around and can be a pillar of support in challenging times. She believes in reciprocating loyalty and is a ‘ride or die’ chick to her gentleman. She invests into a relationship with others as much as she takes from that relationship; sometimes she even invests more than what she is getting from it.

The Cinderella values the quality of a relationship, not the quantity of them she can have. If she moves in with you then she naturally desires to assume responsibility over some part of the household and contribute to it, and if she feels she cannot contribute financially as much as you she might seek to balance the scales by taking on chores such as cleaning and cooking in order to demonstrate her value as a life partner to you. The Cinderella also desires to have children and wants them to succeed in life, and will make necessary sacrifices for her children in order to improve their chances at obtaining this success. This is one of the qualities that makes her a good parent. She does not strive to live vicariously through others as she has an accurate assessment of her own self worth and possesses self-respect.


The Cinderella has a personality type that can find joy in even the mundane.

Children are an important topic. Many relationship advice blogs that seek to describe ideal female qualities often become fixated entirely on personality qualities but it is important to be practical. We have to consider science, too. The reality is that the natural purpose of human romantic relationships is to have a family. I mean, if humans don’t have children there will be no humans left. And while many male dating gurus these days advocate for being fatherless, I will not. If the most intelligent and financially successful men of a generation don’t have children then the next generations will consist entirely of imbeciles. Watch the 2006 film Idiocracy if you want a peak at what that future will be like.

Idiocracy is not just a comedy film; it is a warning.

Instead I will encourage you to date women who fit certain biological qualities, and who will make good wives and mothers given their personalities.

Many men believe because they are healthy that means their children automatically will be as well. Male sperm quality changes throughout our lives, with any recent beneficial or negative mutations we develop having the potential to be passed on. This is not the case with women, who are born with all of the eggs they will ever have. The genetic quality of their eggs is determined at birth, based on the qualities of their parents. What women do pass on is mitochondria and immune systems to their children, and any such mutations. For example from my mother’s side of the family I have inherited a rare genetic mutation that gives resistance to polio, and also provides me with a high resistance to other diseases such as HIV. I am unlikely to pass this beneficial mutation onto my own children though.

A woman’s health quality can however impact the development of a fetus from the genetic instructions contained in the sperm and egg. Poor quality nutrition the pregnant mother consumes will impact the health of the child, as will engaging in practices such as smoking tobacco, drinking alcohol and other drug abuses. A woman who is overly obese prior to her pregnancy will also negatively impact the baby due to high cholesterol and blood sugar levels. All of these things greatly increase the chance of the child incubated in her womb to develop significant development disabilities as instructions on how to assemble the baby are misread.

Ideally for a wife you intend to have children with, as far as physical qualities go you want a woman who is below the age of 40, who is not obese, who does not smoke, is only a social drinker and does not engage in any kind of recreational drug usage. You also want a woman who does not have a significant medical illness which she has a high chance of passing on to the child. The purpose of having children is to pass on your bloodline to future generations, and this cannot be done if the child is sickly and dies early; or worse, struggles their entire life to achieve much of anything because of significant disorders that limit the quality of their lives. While it is impossible to completely avoid all potential problems during the fetus development, by selecting a good mate you greatly increase the chances of having healthy offspring. Intentionally choosing a mate that is in poor health greatly increases the chances of not, and often will result 100% in a child with significant developmental disabilities and which you will have to take care of for the rest of your life until they or you die — and whom will probably never have any children of their own to pass on your family legacy. Be mindful of this.

It may sound harsh and unsettling to many women to hear a man speak so bluntly about the realities of selecting a mate for marriage and family rearing, but if your goal as a man is to have healthy children then you should avoid procreating with unhealthy women. But if you absolutely feel that you must have children with a woman who is unhealthy because you love her so dearly, there are some ways to improve the situation but they are costly. You can use artificial insemination, where eggs are fertilized and screened for health problems before inserted into the mother’s womb. However you should be aware that children produced this way have a higher than average chance of developmental problems, even if both parents are considered ‘healthy’. This is believed to be because most women having the procedure are over the age of 40, which as we previously said greatly increases the chances of developmental disorders in the child. A younger mother may have a lower chance, but this is not a fully understood process.

Not being healthy is something a woman often cannot control, so it would be incorrect to call all unhealthy women a Tinderella. A Tinderella’s unfitness for marriage and motherhood is a result of choices she makes, not a consequence of circumstances. Yet all the same an unhealthy woman is not a Cinderella by the definition I am promoting here, as a Cinderella is the ideal woman for a man to marry and have children with.


It may take you a long time to find your Cinderella. You may find that much like the prince in the fairy tale that you encounter her when you least expect to and that she may not stick around while you question whether to date her or not. You should never miss your chance to try to win the heart of a Cinderella for they are a rare breed of a woman; one that is becoming ever so more difficult to locate among the current generation of woman today who are encouraged to become Tinderellas by bad relationship advice blogs.

The Tinderellas of today will inevitably discover too late in life that after their beauty fades they struggle to find a loyal partner to spend their remaining years with and will be miserable as they are taken advantage of in nursing homes. Even should the woman find some success on her own, without having a loyal partner she is very likely to be taken advantage of by her own bitter children or distant relatives who gain power of attorney over her affairs after something like a stroke. They then proceed to steal her life savings while sticking her in a nursing home for the last twenty or thirty years of her life. This is happening so frequently to the unmarried elderly in our society that it has pretty much become a cliché. This is also the same fate as for the so-called ‘red pilled’ men who prefer to live like a perpetual Peter Pan and neglect fatherhood duties. If you wish to avoid that outcome for your own life, take what I am saying here to heart.

The Cinderella is a woman of value and she knows she has it. As such she won’t wait around on a man who isn’t able to recognize her valuable qualities while messing around with Tinderellas. Much like a high quality gentleman the Cinderella values her time and will move on to dating othes if you take too long to realize her value to you as a mate. Unlike the Tinderella she won’t do this behind your back but she will move on from you if you take too long to decide.

When the slipper fits and you find yourself dating a Cinderella, don’t hesitate to lock her down. You may never find another Cinderella again if you don’t.



Carey Martell is Editor in Chief for The Millennial Gentleman. A thirty something modern man who is politically independent, non-religious but a firm believer in ideals of chivalry and traditional family values. Carey lives his life as a vagabond digital nomad traveling and living life to the fullest while managing his businesses remotely with a laptop and internet hotspot connection.