Ghosting is the modern dating equivalent of disappearing into thin air. One minute you’re happily texting away, making plans for your next date and the next minute, poof, they’re gone. But why is ghosting so common in dating today?

Well, for starters, dating apps have made it easier than ever for people to connect with one another. With just a few swipes, you can be chatting with multiple people at once. This can lead to a sense of disposable dating, where people feel like they can just move on to the next match if things don’t work out. To the serial dater, the people they meet through dating apps are often not considered ‘real’ or at least not important enough to be respectful toward unless that person is someone they want to commit to a relationship with.

Another reason is that we live in a fast-paced world where we’re constantly bombarded with information and distractions. It’s easier to just ghost someone than it is to have an actual conversation about why things aren’t working out. Plus, ghosting saves you the awkwardness of having to explain yourself or deal with any potential fallout.

While ghosting may be the easy way out, it’s frequently not considered polite to lead people on and make them believe you want to see them again. Some may even say this is disrespectful and it can leave the other person feeling confused and hurt more than they would be if you were direct to them about why you do not want to date them again. So, if you’re thinking about ghosting someone, you might want to consider instead being honest and direct, even if it’s just through a text message. It may be uncomfortable, but it’s the kinder and more mature thing to do.

There are some situations in which ghosting someone may be considered acceptable, but they are rare and should be handled with care.

For example, if someone is in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship and ghosting is the safest way to exit that situation, then it may be the best option. Another example could be if someone is being harassed or stalked by an ex and they need to cut off all contact to protect themselves.

However, these situations are not common and ghosting should not be used as a default way to end any relationship. It is important to remember that ghosting someone can be hurtful and disrespectful and should only be done in extreme circumstances.

In general, it is better to be honest with someone and have a direct conversation about why you want to end the relationship. This allows both parties to have closure and move on with respect.

Ultimately, the reason ghosting has become so common in dating is because for many people it is easier than telling someone the real reasons why they don’t want to keep dating that person, because telling people this kind of unvarnished truth tends to lead to the other person becoming insulted and feeling angry, or possibly start crying, and maybe even making negative posts about you on social media. This is why it’s often best to not take it personally when you go on a date with a woman who claims they want to see you again, but whom you can never get ahold of after the date.

How to Deal With Being Ghosted

When I was a younger man and less experienced with dating women I used to be very confused when a woman would cheerfully tell me they wanted to see me again for a future date but then became suddenly became unresponsive. Over the years I have figured out there are any number of reasons for the ghosting,

  • They recently met someone they like better than you or they reconnected with an old flame.
  • For whatever reason, they had a change of heart about dating you — or anyone — frequently as a result of getting over the rebounding stage of a failed relationship and deciding to focus on themselves instead of starting a new relationship.
  • They never were super into you to begin with but wanted to imply that just in case they changed their mind later.

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter why a woman ghosts, the only thing that matters is that she is being unresponsive. When I found a woman was unresponsive to my texts and calls, I used to keep trying to contact her thinking that my persistence would show my interest and that would be a good thing. In fact I came to realize it was the opposite, and the best thing to do is actually to just assume her unresponsiveness is her ending of the courtship and to forget her phone number. While there has been a few occasions that a woman who ghosted me has messaged me back out of the blue weeks later, it’s uncommon and not something to dwell on.

There’s plenty of fish in the sea out there boys. There’s no need to chase ghosts.


Carey Martell is Editor in Chief for The Millennial Gentleman. A thirty something modern man who is politically independent, non-religious but a firm believer in ideals of chivalry and traditional family values. Carey lives his life as a vagabond digital nomad traveling and living life to the fullest while managing his businesses remotely with a laptop and internet hotspot connection.