How to be attractive to women as a man is a question that is asked by many men, and it’s a complicated one because there are many components to it. Many men find this question really hard to answer because it’s not really one thing that makes you attractive to women; instead it takes a combination of things for a man to be very attractive to women. In short, you must project attractive qualities in your appearance and demeanor.

Fortunately for you, I have a great deal of experience dating many women from multiple walks of life. I have dated women of numerous ethnicities, religious backgrounds, income levels, education backgrounds and so forth. Generally speaking, all women who are seeking a man to date and marry are ultimately looking for the same general things in a man. In this Millennial Gentleman article you will learn how to become more attractive as a man to women.

How to be Attractive to Women as a Man

Men are judged most often on their physical appearance. Whether it’s how they’re dressed, how they look, or how physically fit they are, women are looking at men and judging them on a physical level. This however does not necessarily mean they only care about your physical attractiveness as a man, but because humans experience the world using their senses and sight is the most important sense for experiencing the world it does mean the visual cues you send women make up a large portion of their toolbox for deciding if a man is attractive.

That said, women don’t only identify sexiness in a man based on physical body type; they also use their eyes, hears and other senses to judge a mans mental and emotional states, too. And this plays into how attractive a woman perceives a man to be.

People will never fall in love with a person they don’t respect. This means cultivating qualities that people in general respect in men.

Understand the Types of Attraction

Understand that there are three types of attraction:

  1. Physical attraction (what you look like)
  2. Mental attraction (your personality)
  3. Emotional attraction (your capacity to make her feel good)

Understand that attraction is not a choice, it’s a feeling. Many women are very primal in their attraction, following their instincts to determine what is attractive in a man. As women are predominantly hypergamous due to evolution, they generally seek out a man to be their romantic partner who appears to be their ‘better half’; a man of higher social status than herself. This can be based on income, but it can also be based on projecting strong athletic ability, too, as athletic men are perceived higher in social order.

Developing Your Physical Attraction as a Man

The easiest way to look better physically is to eat well and exercise regularly. If you’re a man then you want to avoid excess body fat, which is a sign of a sedentary lifestyle and poor diet.

The best thing a man can do for his appearance is to work out and try to build muscle mass. If a man is overweight, he should try to focus on losing the fat and then work on gaining muscle mass. After your workouts you also need to get enough sleep so that your body has time to recover and repair the damage that was done to your body during the day. It’s also important to eat a balanced diet that is high in protein and good fats and low in carbs and sugars, and to exercise regularly. 

Focus on your health by getting plenty of sleep, eating well, and exercising often. Wear clothes that fit well and suit your body type. Wear a cologne or perfume that pleases you.

For more detailed information on developing your physical attraction to women as a man, read our articles about fitness and health for men.

You don’t have to spend hours in the gym every day or spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to look more attractive. You can also look more physically attractive by simply paying more attention to your grooming and hygiene.

You also need to dress well and appropriately, projecting power in your appearance.

To look more physically attractive as a man, start by wearing clothes that fit, and that aren’t too tight. The goal is to look smart, so avoid the tight skinny jeans, and instead wear classic jeans and trousers that fit well. Find a good barber and get a haircut that suits your face shape.

A good haircut is important, but it doesn’t matter how good your hair looks if your face doesn’t match it. Some men naturally look better with facial hair, but many don’t. You have to be confident, have a sense of humor, and be able to show that you’re a good catch.

Here are some additional Millennial Gentleman articles providing fashion advice to look more attractive to women.

Developing your Mental Attraction as a Man

Developing mental attraction as a man boils down to a few simple things.

  1. Be ambitious and hard working.
  2. Be a good listener and a good conversationalist.
  3. Be a gentleman and treat your date with respect.
  4. Be someone she can trust.

Each of these things has the common theme of projecting ‘value’ to a woman.

  • Being ambitious and hard working projects value that you can be a good provider to her and her future children.
  • Being excellent at conversation means you project value as a person that she will find mentally stimulating.
  • Being a gentleman and treating her with respect projects value as a romantic partner.
  • Being someone she can trust projects value that you can be her ally.

The most important thing is to be yourself. Just be yourself. If you’re trying to be someone else, it won’t work. If you’re trying to be a certain way to impress someone, it won’t work. You can’t do that. You must actually be the person you project for attraction to be developed. So the best thing to do is be confident, be yourself, and be inviting.

The most important thing to remember when you’re working to look more physically attractive is that it’s not about you being more attractive to yourself; it’s about developing qualities that the majority of women find to be attractive. The majority of men look in the mirror and they’re worried about how they look to women, because they know they are not in shape. So one of the easiest ways to develop your mental attraction is to also develop your physical attraction; a man who is in shape feels more attractive because he knows that he is. And that powerful feeling of knowing you are something allows you to project confidence which women find to be attractive.

Here are some additional articles on the Millennial Gentleman site that will help you develop the qualities that women find mentally attractive in a man.

Develop your Emotional Attraction as a Man

Emotional attraction is one of the most important types of attraction. It’s the foundation of a relationship. If a woman doesn’t feel a strong emotional connection with you, she’s not going to feel comfortable in a relationship with you.

I’m a big believer that attraction is an emotional process, not a logical one. So when I say that you need to be emotionally attractive, I mean you need to make a woman feel good emotions when she is around you. The way to do that is to project positivity, which requires projecting stoicism during a crisis or emotionally difficult moment. Women expect men to be pillars for them to lean on when things become difficult, and she loses attraction in a man she has to take care of like he was a child.

In order to be more emotionally attractive as a man, you have to show that you are in touch with your feelings. The great thing about emotional attraction is that it’s not really something you can teach. It’s a skill you have to learn on your own. If you’re interested in learning how to be emotionally attractive to women, you should start by being emotionally engaged with your friends, family, and colleagues.

One thing to avoid is being too emotionally vulnerable. Women often say a man who is ‘vulnerable’ is attractive, but women do not enjoy crybabies and date men who are desperate. Desperation is not an attractive quality. What women actually mean by emotionally vulnerable in a man is one whom they feel understands their emotions and indulges them. Instead of the man being vulnerable, what women want is a man they can vent their own emotions to and be vulnerable with, and because she is connecting with you emotionally while sharing, she feels you are being vulnerable with her (even if it’s really just her doing all of the emotional sharing and you are merely listening and comforting her).

The most attractive personality trait for women is emotional stability. The second most attractive trait is kindness. This plays into rejection, because many women will test a man’s emotional fortitude by being hard to get to see how he reacts. Because you can’t get through life without getting rejected, it’s important to know how to not let it bother you, and how to move on; doing so can actually make a woman desire you more and chase you instead.

The first thing to do to build up your emotional attractiveness to a woman is to put yourself out there. Start going to events, join social clubs, and take up hobbies that put you in the public eye. The more people get to know you, the more they’ll like you. The more other people like you, the more attractive you become to women. Again, women tend to be hypergamous and they desire men of higher social status, and a marker of social status is the clout and influence you possess among other people. A woman therefore finds a man who is well liked by others as very attractive.

Emotional intelligence is a trait that women find very attractive in a man. By being emotionally intelligent, you can build stronger relationships, experience less conflict, and connect with people more deeply. So having all of these factors in your life is a sign to women that you have emotional intelligence.

In the end, be attractive to women by being a man. So, be a man. Don’t overthink it.


Carey Martell is Editor in Chief for The Millennial Gentleman. A thirty something modern man who is politically independent, non-religious but a firm believer in ideals of chivalry and traditional family values. Carey lives his life as a vagabond digital nomad traveling and living life to the fullest while managing his businesses remotely with a laptop and internet hotspot connection.